


Renewed First Date

by MaryTagus



Series: Not all is bright colors and rainbows [16]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 04:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7419163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryTagus/pseuds/MaryTagus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After "Mending". A nervous and anxious Oliver Queen has a second first date with Felicity Smoak. He struggles but manages to tell her more about the 2/3 of Oliver Felicity told him he kept from her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Renewed First Date

I know torture; I can take a high level of it but nothing like this. The all day is a long torture, my phone the instrument of it. Every ring sets my all body on alert, fear and longing brought together in a strange mix that leaves me weak. I long to see her face in the screen, I long to hear her voice but I dread the moment as it may contain a change of mind, a postponing.

The date in itself is hard enough to deal with, I struggled to get some of the old Oliver back, the Oliver that knew how to woo a woman, the social savant I once was but it turned out to be impossible. Felicity isn’t just a woman; the fact I know her, the fact I want her forever makes me doubt every decision, every thought.

The phone rings and this time all my insides feel like someone is stirring them up as Felicity smiling face, a memory of happier times, fills the screen.

“Hi.”

My fight to sound upbeat and normal makes the word sound unclear, intercut.

“Hi. About tonight…” a thin stylet starts crossing through my heart and I hold my breath at the pain “… can I meet you there?”

Relief fills me so fast I’m speechless for a moment.

“Oliver?”

“Meet me at the old campaign office.”

She’s silent for a moment.

“Okay. Can you make it 8.30?”

“Sure.”

I’ll make it anytime you want just as long as you are there.

“See you later, Oliver.”

Strangely her call has a calming effect. I look at the pile of work I let accumulate so far in my worry and attack it with renewed strength. Six o’clock comes swiftly, the phone no longer disturbing my thoughts; Felicity hadn’t changed her mind.

 

The old Campaign Office was quiet but clean, tidy, the middle of it turned into the most faithful as possible image of the table where we had our first date.

I set the table, attentive to all the details, before going down to the Lair, where I had set up a rudimental kitchen some time ago, when I came to live here. The all meal is a copy of the one we had the night the bomb had cut short, only difference being I was the cook this time. In cooking I found the peace I needed not to show myself as the nervous wreck I felt.

But as I got ready the anxiety started to build up inside me, I fought against it knowing fully well that only increased the wave further but still I fought.

The delicious smell of the hyacinths filled the Old Campaign Office, as I came back up, a reminder of our time away, when life was so much simpler and happier. The knock on the door wakes me for my day dream.

Felicity looks stunning, she always looks stunning but this black dress plays remarkably well the game of cover and uncover, the patches of fabric enhancing her creamy skin; I ache to touch her skin, my all body needs to touch her to feel her in my arms.

“Hi.” Felicity is grasping the small purse like a drown woman would do a safe jacket. Somehow knowing she’s as nervous and anxious as I am makes my confidence build up a little.

“Hi. Welcome.”

She steps inside hesitantly, like she’s walking in here for the first time, in a way she is.

“Oh… Oliver, it’s wonderful.”

“You don’t mind staying here?”

I’m happy she doesn’t keep me dangling with no answer or solace.

“No. Not when you did all this.”

“I had help.”

Honesty, in all things. That’s what she asked, that’s what I’m planning to deliver at all times. Still…

“Setting the table?”

“Moving the furniture.”

She just nods as I help her to her seat.

My food, usually tasty, feels like rubber in my mouth only a look at Felicity’s plate makes me comfortable about its taste and assured things taste as good as they look.

“It tastes wonderful, Oliver.”

“Thank you.”

I know what I want to say to her, I know everything I want her to leave here knowing but translating it to words it’s harder than I thought.

“I was very good at this… once.”

“You still are.”

I smile.

“It’s very different now.”

“Oh?”

“You know the old story of fighter pilots in the war marking the number of planes they brought down?”

Felicity stays silent; of course she does.

“That was me back in those days. I don’t even remember all the faces but I took pleasure from making another mark, willingly and happily ignoring the consequences… I can’t reconcile what I was then to what I am now. That guy is a total stranger, a guy I would probably dislike with all my soul.”

“But it is a part of you, Oliver.”

“No. It was me, I may agree to that, but it’s not even a part of me now, it’s gone, totally dead and buried.”

“There’s…”

“William? The only result I can reconcile with, I’m proud to be his father, even if I can see I wouldn’t be a good parent to him. Not now.”

“I recall you telling me something that really sounded like that a few years back.”

“You think I’m wrong as I was back then?”

“Yes… No… I don’t know.”

It’s not clear what was the best to William, even to Felicity.

“He will know I’m his father. He will know I didn’t abandon him. He will know I protected him.”

“That’s more than I got.”

“What?”

“My mom forced my dad out of my life. He didn’t abandon me, he was forced to leave. My mom never told me anything.”

Why was I only hearing about this now? That’s how further apart we got.

“I’m sorry, Felicity.”

“No need. I was angry for a while but… I understand better what you did. I’m glad you made sure William’s going to know about his father and know he wasn’t abandoned.”

“I know how much you suffered, Felicity, I would never do that to William.”

Late I notice I covered her hand with mine, and she allowed me to. My heart swells giving me the added strength I need to go back to the Island.

“The Island was hell. You know that already. It’s painful to recall every detail and you are right I hid important details from you. At first I had to learn to survive, to do that I had to extinguish the Oliver Queen that was. In the Island I became just another animal, fighting to keep myself alive; I came off the Island, to be turned into a kind of A.R.G.U.S. agent, a special kind, one devise to kill, to torture; Amanda wanted me to keep being the nameless animal I was on the Island in the real World, but when confronted with a choice I refused her offer and she let me go, and I was free, or so I thought. Turns out Amanda knew exactly where I was and when she needed me she took me back.”

“But you said no.”

“She drugged me and delivered me right back to Lian Yu. It looked the same Island but it was so different at the same time, like I was in some parallel universe.”

“You fulfilled your mission…”

“I wasn’t even clear on what the mission was. But I did what I thought right, I released the prisoners, ARGUS took the powerful idol and the criminals. Amanda didn’t ask me to join ARGUS, she knew I wouldn’t do it.”

“She left you there?”

“Not for long. I had a promise to fulfill in Russia.”

“Russia… where you joined Bratva.”

“After a while. Again I was the animal, Felicity, unleashed, unstoppable. I forgot how many met their end trough my hands, but they were many, too many to count. In the end I understood I had become exactly what Amanda Waller wanted me to be and I knew I had to get out.”

“Where did you go?”

“Home, Felicity. Or at least the only place where I knew I could be the animal I was without putting innocent people in danger.”

“But you came back…”

“Yes, I did, fuelled by anger and vengeance.”

“I remember.”

“Everything became different when I entered your office that day.”

Her soft smile echoes my own.

“I never asked did you shot that computer?”

“No. It got hit while Deadshot was shooting at me.”

“The computer was Deadshot’s?”

“I thought so, turns out it belong to his mark.”

“You stopped Deadshot as I recall.”

“Many things changed since then, Felicity, I’m not the man you first knew, not anymore. I am making an effort to evolve, to become more… human.”

“You are human, Oliver. You just… you just work everything, every situation like you have to deal with it alone, like you have to carry the weight of the World. You don’t, you can share the weight. “

“I could promise you to do that, but it’s not an honest promise if I can foresee situations where I wouldn’t abide to it. I cannot promise you there will not be a moment when I tackle some problem on my own, shading you from a knowledge or situation it would hurt you, or be devastating to you. I don’t want you hurting, Felicity, I love you, I want to make you happy, maybe it would be impossible sometimes but every time it is possible I will do everything in my power for you to be happy.”

“Happy but oblivious to what goes on around me? No, Oliver, I want to know, I need to know.”

I struggle as I understand we will never agree with this and the question flies out of my mouth without filter.

“Wouldn’t you protect me from pain?”

Felicity stops to consider.

“Never when my all life is changing.”

With that I do agree.

“Fair enough. I agree with you on that.”

A smile and I’m sure the worse is over. Enough for us to enjoy desert; I’m glad I thought ahead and made tiramisu, my first thought, soufflés, would be ruined by now.

“I had a wonderful time, Oliver. Thank you for inviting.”

“No bomb shell this time.”

“Shells, no; bombs… “

“There’s much more, Felicity. I just… need time.”

To my surprise I feel her lips on my cheek, it’s like a lightning struck my body leaving it aching for more.

“Thank you, Oliver.”

I watch her open the door, too weak to move, too weak to speak.

“See you tomorrow.”

She closes the door with a smile, a truly happy smile. I want to go out and rush after her, hold her, never to let go; at the door the only thing I see is her car going into traffic.

Tomorrow… tomorrow she will be here again. Tomorrow… I find myself wishing for a tomorrow for the first time since she walked out of the loft.


End file.
